Friday, June 30, 2006

Video Games

i wonder if its a generational gap in video games that makes people approch them differently. as someone whose first system owned was an NES, when i play a game like, for instance, GTA, i think its fun, when on a rampage, to see how far i can go with limited ammo, limited weapons, very careful not to spoil the game using cheats.

my brother on the other hand, whose first sytem owned was an xbox, loves using infinite ammo/weapons cheats, because its not fun unless he can own every option in the matter of a few seconds. some might say that this is just a personal thing or specific to a game. maybe, but ive noticed it in all of his friends as well. and my friends all view games the same way i do, as far as i can tell.

i wonder if the reason for me to view games strategically, or as a puzzle, is because thats what i grew up with. thanks to limited resources and a lack of internet, i puzzled through games and dont tend to worry as much about graphics, altho good graphics are a plus, but rather accept the game more quickly if it is interesting or is fun to play.

as far as i can tell, my bro and his friends dont like a game unless it has awesome graphics and everything is destroyable, the more damage you can cause the better. is this because the graphics he is used to are so much better? that he can go to the internet and, rather than earning what he wants, merely is able to look up what he wants and then manipulate the game to make it give him that thing?

its not just this game, either. when his attention was held briefly by gran turismo 3 and 4, he wanted me to get him cars, because he couldnt cheat his way into them. he got bored quickly bcos i said no and he had to earn them.

old school views = strategy, puzzles, making do

new school views = weapons, gratification, making boom

my favorite games = final fantasy, ddr, GTA, manhunt, resident evil, silent hill, halo, parasite eve, metal gear solid, diablo, doom, halo

bros favorite games = halo, perfect dark zero, timesplitters future perfect, state of emergency, conflict desert storm, halo 2, ghost recon

is there a patern? i think so. maybe i have too much time on my hands...

z out

Thursday, June 29, 2006

Abound, Abound

i wish i could feel better, but more importantly, i wish i could help britty...i want to cure all anxieties and stuff, and i thought i could earlier. now it may not be so, unless i can get around 4-500 dollars in like four weeks, most likely three. i really wanna be there for her, otherwise what good am i? shes been there for me and i feel like a shit bcos i might not be able to be there for her. it sucks when you arent able to help someone that you wish you could, especially when the plan was you were going to be able to just days before...

z out, thinking about the future...

Wednesday, June 28, 2006

Numb

i feel empty and numb right now. i know it doesnt help but i do love solving my problems with strong drink and cigarettes...they help relieve some tension in everything that happens and i feel like i want to explode and lash out at things. it weird feeling this way: empty and numb, but also at the breaking point of an emotion. very thinly stretched...

also my brother is fucking annoying and i want to smack the shit out of him. all he does is yell and bitch and cause problems...he expects me to treat him like an equal when he acts like a little bitch. my parents dont help matters. he is the baby. he does whatever the fuck he wants. his side is automatically the right side to take with them, no matter what the arguement is over. i just wish i wasnt here. i fucking hate this place, i hate south carolina, and hate that i feel this way, but i do.

fuck maybe i should start a livejournal. this ones getting very fucking emo.

atlanta will be a godsend. spending time with britty is florida will be a godsend. just two more years, then youll never have to come back, if you dont want. two years...

two years until a lot of things...

z out

Empty Like An Eggshell

i am tired but cannot sleep. i feel like shit...everything around here seems distant and cold and i hate it here...i feel trouble brewing...maybe a fight on the horizon. i envisioned on earlier, when i was taking a shower, and found myself having an arguemnt with myself, and getting to the point of yelling. i hate when i do that, cos it means theres and arguement that i feel i should defend myself from and i just am preparing myself for it...it means something bad. dunno what yet, but it means something bad.

i feel like i need a shitload of whiskey. or cloves. they make me feel shittons better...all lightheaded and whatnot without making me drunk forever...

also, i feel that, in the spirit of livejournal, music matches my mood...im thinkin maybe:
johnny cash "hurt"
and maybe
HIM "right here in my arms" or "razorblade kiss"

z out motherfuckers

Lots of Manhunt Make You Write Crazy

goddamn the scissors that bastard put through my foot hurt like a motherfucker. pulling them out hurt worse...

right now im walking down the hallway, crowbar in hand, looking for that evil fuck to show some skin, a hand, anything. i need to be redeemed, have my wound matter...

its dark. sneaky bastard pulled the fuses to the house...good thing the moms a freak for candles...little battery operated ones that look real. lets see him figure those out...

i can hear him skitter and scurry back and forth. if only this house didnt have so many goddamn doors...fuckers rich, likes lots of space. i can dig it, y'know...but fuck, whys he gotta be such a pussy?

shadows and reflections catch in my eye, gleaming off the old looking-glass, and im sure i look like quite a hatter in this getup. but thats the only way hed pay me to come over and play this little monthly game with him. sick fuck. at least he pays well. itches like a motherfuck though...

bastard likes doors and empty rooms? stair ways that lead to nowhere? ill hide then. let him find me. then i can win. and when i win...ooohh, there will be a reckoning. those scissors hurt. lets see how he likes it...

z out

Tuesday, June 27, 2006

I Need Attention, Motherfuckers!!

im a needy motherfucker, therefore, i dont feel the love when people dont make comments on my postings. for those that do, thank you. for those that dont, do you need some encouragement to talk to my lonely ass? fine.

fuck you motherfucking evil-ass lurkers. talk to me bitches!!

so, if you read this...talk bitches...

the gauntlets been dropped motherfuckers...best pick it up...

z out

Monday, June 26, 2006

MOAB

ive decided that the name chemicals n poo for a recording name is kinda stupid. unless youre doing something along the lines of anal cunt type work...then its gonna make more sense...

instead the name should be cooler...maybe more explosive...altho chemicals n poo go up awfully fast when you strike a match near them...im assuming of course...

also the grudge is pretty cool. i had forgotten the coolness factor of when you watch it at night...

z out

She's A Maniac, Maniac, On Coke....

http://www.freedieting.com/tools/calorie_calculator.htm#

this is the calorie calculator.

dont forget it you fat fuck...

Maintenance:
2673 Calories/day
Fat Loss:
2138 Calories/day
Extreme Fat Loss:
2048 Calories/day


thems the goals...dont fuck up...

z out

The Hills Are Alive With The Sound of Music

im watching hills have eyes wth my bro. this is the third time ive seen this movie and the first without being with britty when i see it.

i am starting back on diet tomorrow. cos no one likes a fatty-fat.

i may doze while the movie is going...that should fuck my dreams right up...

i also got rid of those things i wrote. they were all shitty...

why cant people put things back the way they were when they are done recording...fuck...

z out

Tuesday, June 20, 2006

Vick's Nyquil; For Anal Consumption Only

im just joking. dont try that at home. colon absorbs things at much more dangerous levels. so champagne enemas are to be given only by professionals.

ive been feeling very creative all of a sudden. today i wrote maybe six pages of stuff per item; i wrote like three items, so awesome. then i was fiddling around with a mandolin and came up with melody. played melody on twelve-string guitar, another song. or combine the two. then playing electric guitar i came up with a little riff or lick or whatever. i wonder what would hapen if i hooked my penis up to an amplifier...bad things prolly...

also im not seeing raconteurs play unless someone else buys my ticket. thirty bucks is a bit excessive. their album is only just barely thirty minutes. what are they gonna do? white stripes, benson, and greehornes songs? great ive now payed thirty dolares to see the raconteurs cover songs by the bands they were in. fucking great. assholes.

also i want booze. and cloves.

most of all i want to see atl friends.

above that i want to see girlyfriend.

dammit...15 hours to go before the ultimate...

z out

A Wave of Happiness Has Hit Me; Or I've Pissed Meself Again...

i get to see britty to-ma-rrow.

then six flags...havent been since maybe sixth or seventh grade...twill be excellente.

that was it. maybe more later.

itinerary for the night:
talk with britty
take shower
pack
record three songs (music only) that hit me tonight
sleep (maybe)

z out

Musics

aug 11 at masquerade

dragonforce is playing!! but i might be in tampa with brittyhelping her move in. i wish the two of us could see them together...

sept 19 at tabernacle

raconteurs motherfucker! might be good, might not. i wont go if i have to pay over 20 dollars...


z out

Mr. Dante

i cant wait for this shit...

z out

The Sex Tape Isn't Real Right? It's All A Part Of My Imagination, Right?

so i was looking in the mirror and determined that i havent weighed as much as i do since i was around fourteen. then another realisation struck me when i was looking at my passport when britty was here: i havent had my hair this short, and been cleanshaven, since i was also fourteen. thats whats so wierd about how i look, i think.

also i find that having a cleanshaven face makes people think i actually am younger than i am. i hope i actually look fourteen. that would be hilarimous.

im so tired.

z out

Black Horse and The Cherry Tree; And Other Various Ramblings Of An Insomniac With The Television On, A Scourge To Blog Readers Everywhere...

kt tunstall is awesome. i loves me some scottish women that are able to play all the instruments on their album by themselves. sugoku awesome.

xenadrine commercials are hilarious (fatty fatty mcfatpants).

buy.com intrigues me. how do they make money? are they like an outsourcing company? do they get a cut of the money from websites if they direct the buyer to the website?

monster house looks awesome...we should see it sometime, as well as pirates of the carribbean...

shakira, while awesome at belly-dancing, is not very awesome at singing. rather she is kind of annoying.

wyclef jean has lost a lot of his appeal that he held on me earlier in my life. maybe suckers who do anything that has a dollar attahced to it have that effect...

i fucking hate will ferrell. fucking moron humor. everything he does is stupid. maybe an arguement can be made for the playwright he played in the producers. still...

i want to smack people who program the nocturnal theater on vh1. videos replay every 1 hour 35 minutes. there are more videos than that! fuck. thats like 25-30 videos before they are shuffled and repeated and some of those are acoustic performances of the same song...

i hate will ferrell.

mmm sleep is not coming....

z out

Hair Loss E Maximo

goddamn. cant sleep. dont wanna brush teeth, but must. dont like shaving, but must. is much cooler in summer. talking like caveman more fun than with grammar. fuck you.

no seriously i cant sleep. it sucks. i looked up depression on wikipedia. some minor counts of it include:
  • A decrease in self-esteem. yes
  • Inattention to personal hygiene. yes
  • Sensitivity to noise.
  • Physical aches and pains, and the belief these may be signs of serious illness.
  • Fear of 'going mad'. yes
  • Change in perception of time. yes

check and check... and the ones that i have to fill five symptoms to fufill the dsm-iv's definition:
  • Feelings of overwhelming sadness or fear. yes
  • A decrease in the amount of interest or pleasure in all, or almost all, activities of the day, nearly every day. yes
  • Changing appetite and marked weight gain or loss. yes
  • Disturbed sleep patterns, such as insomnia, loss of REM sleep, or excessive sleep (Hypersomnia). yes
  • Psychomotor agitation or retardation nearly everyday.
  • Fatigue, mental or physical, also loss of energy. yes
  • Feelings of guilt, helplessness, hopelessness, anxiety, or fear. yes
  • Trouble concentrating or making decisions or a generalized slowing and obtunding of cognition, including memory. yes
  • recurrent thoughts of death (not just fear of dying), recurrent suicidal ideation without a specific plan, or a suicide attempt or a specific plan for committing suicide.
so that puts the count at four minor and seven major? damn...sitting around watching music videos and surfing the web isnt helping either, im fairly certain.
(on a tangent, goddamn def leppard for naming their new album "yeah!". also, goddamn def leppard. fuck 'em in their stupid asses, with their one-armed drummer. maybe im bitter...)

im tired but i cant stop thinking. i cant focus on things enough to reach a conclusion. insomnia is returning...even though there isnt a good reason for it to happen. i have everything i want, except a source of income.

i do have what was giving me the insomnia last fall, i got the girl i was crushing on and indecisive concerning what to do about the situation. i just dont have her here...

z out

Monday, June 19, 2006

The Velveteen Touch of a Dandy Fop

ive been watching a alot of mr show lately. i have first three seasons on dvd. it is fucking excellent. the sketches blend together, like a stream of conscious version of monty python. plus cool uses of video and live sketches blending together, so its better on tv than it would be live.

also, what the fuck?

umm...absinthe might be fun to try sometime. as well as mushrooms. hmm...maybe, maybe not. it does interest me...

ah well. now is when i get depressed. loneliness. this sucks so much...

z out

The Drummer I'd Like To Be Compared To...



my personal favorite...

z out

Yak's Blood



hilarious, no?

z out

Sunday, June 18, 2006

The James Gang



so apparently a friend said i look like the drummer in this video. huh. *shrugs* maybe.

also anyone that cares should listen to echo and the bunnymen's "siberia". it is an excellent piece of music. i picked it up for my dad for father's day and we listened to it in the car while we were riding around. it is an excellent musical conception.

i feel achey.

z out

Monday, June 12, 2006

Why Not?

simplified version of a conversation i recently had with a friend about gay marriage:

z: so i agree that gays should be able to marry. i mean why not?

f: no they shouldnt. thats disgusting.

z: disgusting? how is it any different from heterosexual marriage?

f: heterosexual marriages have the blessing of God. gay marriage does not.

z: how do you know God wouldnt give His blessing to a gay marriage. marriage is about love and partnership...

f: because the church says that gays should not marry, that its against doctrine.

z: oh, so by God you mean the church. gay marriage doesnt have the churchs blessing...

f: no it doesnt have God's blessing.

z: huh.

last time i checked, there was a difference between the church and god. if youre really worried so much about "what god would say" then why not ignore the church? what position would the church have that you dont, concerning personal beliefs? its amazing to me that once the leader or the majority of a church decides against something, it automatically becomes "God's Word!" straight from the mouth of god and whatnot. then again, ive also heard that the more intelligent someone is, the less worried they are about religion, while the less intelligent a person is, the more devoutly they have faith. it seems pretty true, as far as i can observe...

z out

Sunday, June 11, 2006

Memories...All Alone In The Moonlight...



many memories of watching this...

z out

Chanel No. 5



z out

Us and Them

if anyone gets a chance to watch this movie, it is fucking awesome. the name is Pink Floyd: Live At Pompeii. basically, they recorded a concert at a ruins in pompeii. no one is there. just band and film crew. awesome desu. theres also studio footage of them recording certain songs in the studio. i loves me some pink floyd...

as a fan of music in general i love watching music biographies and reading them. anything to expand my musical knowledges...
a movie i need to watch in order to do this:

beatles "let it be" documentary

shh, dont tell anyone. the music snob police would revoke my license if they knew i hadnt seen it...

z out

Chemicals and Poo

that might be the name i record under this summer, with the help of my bro and various musician friends that i have. really its not such a bad name. consider: iron and wine. chemicals and poo. awesome-neh?

z out

Saturday, June 10, 2006

Zombie Porn!?

wtf?

z out

Friday, June 09, 2006

The Unbearable Light of...I've Used This Title Before I Think...

check this out...its hilarimous...

also this quiz says...






What type of Fae are you?

it seems fairly true as well...

z out

Tuesday, June 06, 2006

Democratic Republic of Something-Or Other

i be tired. start working tomorrow, caulking and stuff like that for 8-10 bucks an hour. not bad...

i recently bought four movies, two ive seen and love, and two ive never seen but suspect thta i will like. jarhead, lord of war, rent, and king kong. getting through lord of war as we speak. rent, maybe later, and king kong definitely tomorrow.

i miss a lot of things. i miss my friends in the atl, i miss being able to play music, i miss my car. most of all i miss my girlfriend. i wish she were here with me, or i were with her, but that cannot be at the moment.

z out

Monday, June 05, 2006

Talking Rabbits




You're Watership Down!

by Richard Adams

Though many think of you as a bit young, even childish, you're
actually incredibly deep and complex. You show people the need to rethink their
assumptions, and confront them on everything from how they think to where they
build their houses. You might be one of the greatest people of all time. You'd
be recognized as such if you weren't always talking about talking rabbits.



Take the Book Quiz
at the Blue Pyramid.



z out