50 some odd hours and counting...

thats how long its been since i slept. i feel like im going crazy...my skin feels like its moving, i feel loopy, i just got done hyperventilating to the point that i threw up lunch (and therefore a vitamin and a b-12 complex) (there goes $5.35), i may have in fact broken my finger by shutting it in the door of my car, i ran onto the curb and scraped up the undercarriage of my car, i feel shitty for other reasons, i need to get 4 weeks worth of listening assignments done, an evaluation and a listening assignment done, a music midterm done, study for an exam on friday, write a paper for next thursday, write another for the following tuesday, do three hundred pages of reading, and on top of all this bohart has asked me and anotehr student to prepare something for the symposium, which will also add stuff to my list. i feel like im on the verge of a nervous breakdown, and all i can do is curl into a ball on my bed and shake. not sleep, even though i want to desperately, but just sit and stare. insomnia is killing me and i want to be done with everything. i just wish that i could move on in my life and not worry about all this bullshit...
also i think i may have hurt someone important in my life (the only person i really love or care about) and i wish i could take back everything ive done thats been malicious or passive-aggressive toward her.
when will a break get here?

z out