She Wants Revenge

ive been listening to tear you apart a lot lately. really all day, kind of on loop. that might seem wierd, but when im not listening to it, its still playing in my head. anxiety is no fun...that seems to be what ive felt, growing each day more and more. its like a big thing sitting in the pit of my stomach. maybe a few talks with people will help. i wish i could just make myself say things to people when things upset me for reasons, but i always seem to just shut my mouth at the last second and not say anything. this just leads to drinking copious amounts afterward and i dont want to do that anymore...i wish i could talk to people. there will be no foreseeable chance to talk with people before something that ive been kind of imagining and reimagining over and over in my head, all in ways that make me even more anxious, ways that i would rather things not play out. im sorry for the rambling cryptic post, but i kind of feel rambling and noncoherent.
z out, chewing nails and trying not to solve problems with strong drink.