I Could Have Killed

so yeah. last night i was in a car accident. i was turning and a car came around a bend, over a hill and demolished my passenger side. if anyone was riding with me they would have been killed...if not then seriously injured. if it had hit me on the other side i would have been killed or seriously injured. if it had hit me head on, rather than at the side, i would have been killed or seriously injured, as the truck was an avalanche and the bottom of the front was at least equal to halfway up my hood. im just glad that no one was with me. if i got hurt it would have been my own damn fault. if anyone was with me i dont know what i would have done to make recompense.
i feel so detached and numb now that nothing, save a couple things, can cheer me up. drinking just makes me more likely to talk about things that i shouldnt and act like an asshole...several times at anime club tonight i almost jumped and started beating shits out of peoples. drinking inn my angered state can do no good. i went to the quad last night and screamed for like 20 minutes...made me feel better.
also my entire music library of 12000 songs got deleted in the process of conversion to mp3 format. now i have 413 songs. suck
also this is my 100th post.
also...well nevermind.
i just wanna drink and smoke and enter a self-destructive cycle...but i cant...ive made a promise. and what goods a promise if you dont keep it.
i know this post is whiny. wah wah wah...
fuck you i have the right to be pissed.
any asshole comments can fuck themselves...im not in the mood to read it. i feel like some destruction is in order but i know thats just the anger and frustruation talking...not the real zack...i hope not at least...
z out