I Want Life and Every Word To The Point That It's Absurd

so yeah, my general mood for the past two weeks has been apathy with a touch of depression. i have started to not care about school, not care about classes, and not care about anyone else or their feelings. this is the first time that i have had a problem like this that cant be solved with alcohol. when i drink it seems to compound the feeling. the only thing that seems to work is hanging out with friends, which is why i have been so touchy and almost smothery with all my friends.
i think that my lack of wanting to write the paper is a subconscious thing, because when i write the paper, then i will be "done" with classes and theres nothing seperating me from having to go back to spartanburg, which i dislike immensely. not even the prospect of playing music makes me excited to go back. thank god i will be back and forth from here a lot more than usual for a break.

i think that maybe my troubles would be less severly impacting me if i had a girlfriend. i wouldnt have to keep everything inside and i would have someone to just explain everything to.
ive just realised that this is the first time i havent had my problem go away for a while or go away in general with alcohol. usually that works, but not now. looks like i may have to actually confront this one...
z out